What do you believe?

I believe Love is not a 9-5 job.
I believe Satan looks beautiful.
I believe Christian rock bands are my generation’s missionaries.
I believe in staying homesick.
I believe my God’s enough.

What do you believe?

(This is just a few random thoughts I had about what I believe. Please let me know your beliefs!)

My Will

Nothing can move me. Your will for me keeps me grounded in You.
I try my ways of keeping the evil out, but bad habits creep in so easily. I have relied on what I could do and what I know and they fail me everytime.
You said if i asked, then I’d receive.
But I don’t know what to ask for.
You said trust and I’d know the way.
But I seem to trust more in myself and others and end up turned around.
I’m so tired of running from You. That’s not at all what I wanted.

You’re so far above me. Your plans are so much better than I could dream.

I think too much. I pretend to know too much. I have to trust in You. I should decrease and You should increase. I’m open and ready. I want to breathe You in.

I’m relying on the One that never fails.

“I’m learning to give up the rights to myself
The bits and the pieces I’ve gathered as wealth
Could never compare to the joy that You bring me
The peace that You show me is the strength that I need”–”My Will” by dcTalk

Amazing Love

I’ve read these amazing stories of these druggies, porn stars, and murderers that have been changed by God. They went from their lives deep in sin to the Christian life that leads to salvation. I sit and wonder, I’ve never been that far off the path. I never experienced what they did. Maybe I’m not as thankful and appreciative of the sacrifice. Maybe I am not as deep in sin as I should be to really need cleansing. I don’t have any kind of amazing testimony to tell. Sometimes I just feel like another kid in the youth group. I’m the good one that doesn’t get into any trouble and isn’t ever expected to. So I didn’t think I was forgiven of as much as the people before, right?

I’ve never gotten drunk, but I’ve become numb to other’s feelings

I’ve never had sex, but I’ve dressed like a slut and looked at guys with lust

I’ve never tried drugs, but I’ve gotten high on my own pride

I’ve never commited murder, but I have shot my friends down  with ugly words

I’ve never shouted “God” in conversation, but I’ve never shouted “God” when I’m first faced with a battle

Maybe I was just as bad off as they were. And maybe I couldn’t see it because I was set on my own-made pedestal. I was always in need and even if people can’t see it, my God and I can. I need Him and He knows He’s needed by all. Whether we’re “good people” or a total 180 of that, we’re still in desperate need of Him. 

For me, it goes something like this:

“I spent some time just waiting on God,and, trust me, there’s no big ending to this story, except that one day I just stood up and said, ‘I still believe’.” —TobyMac

At the beginning, I thought, “I don’t have an amazing story where I went from being deep in sin to a life without it.” However, my life was full of sin that demanded a blood sacrifice that I couldn’t pay.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Luke 7:47

I’ve been forgiven much and I’m most grateful. My story involves my amazing God saving me when I needed it the most. That’s what ends up making this story an amazing one!

Eve’s Curse

1 Corinthians 11:7, “A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.”

“Now woman was created….Being fashioned for and after man makes her honored as the glory of man. But if the man is the head of the woman, the woman is the crown to her husband.”

“Even though Eve’s was the first sin, Adam was held the more responsible, for, as legal head of the human race, he had plunged all posterity into the misery and degradation of sin. Making a livelihood would no longer be pure pleasure but would become a continual struggle with the elements and with the ground which was cursed for his sake.” Excerpts from She Shall Be Called Woman by Frances Vander Velde

The curse goes beyond having to give birth. It’s about the constant struggle of wanting to be Ms. Independent, but not being able to. “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”(Gen.3:16) Man was made to rule over woman. The world constantly encourages women to fight for their rights and survive without the help of a man. This doesn’t help with following God’s principles in that we were made for man and to cater to him. “In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” (1 Cor.11:11-12)

I think a lot of the reason why these cultural ideas are thrown into women’s heads is because men are NOT playing their role in God’s perfect plan. Too many times we hear of fathers leaving their children, abuse, divorce, rape, and man’s disrespect towards woman. They’ve taken something so beautifully created by God and decided to talk down to her and skank her up until she feels no worth at all. Whatever happened to man treating her like the precious gift that she is?

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” (Prov.31:28)

I guess I wish men would act like men and women would know their worth and place through that. I’ve always had and continue to have a hard time with this concept…must be all that Spice Girl blown into my head since ’99.

This is just one of my random, babbling thoughts going through my head. I didn’t take the time to organize it, mostly ‘cause I’m still pondering it all. If anyone has any input, PLEASE SHARE!!! (BTW, i’m not bashing on ALL men. I’m more so referring to the men of the world. I know MANY respectful, Christ-following guys who treat His daughters respectfully.)

Good Enough

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.”  Hosea 6:6

Tiring and exhausting, I’m wearing thin

Work hard for your approval

Why bother when I know the end result

Striving for your standards, must they be so dang high

The closer I get to the top, the higher it becomes

What your life exemplifies is just too demanding

He delivered Himself up for me

Why?

Why would He choose to save a wretch like me

How?

How could I ever pay Him back

I can’t

There is only one explanation for this act

It was an act of love

And His offering can’t be paid back

It must be accepted, with love

A living sacrifice is what I’ll be, this will be my prayer

That I don’t get so hung up on falling behind perfection

But that I return His act of love with love for His people

“You say You love me/That’s all I’ll ever need/If You say I’m good enough, that’s good enough for me”–Fireflight

Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been

Have you ever wanted to change, but couldn’t because of what people around you expect from you? Truthfully, I’ve been having trouble with this for quite awhile. God has given me a couple of revelations, a “duh” moment, so to speak. I’ve become very aware of what He wants from me. I even have the want to do it. I begin to follow His way, but then someone brings me down. My mom always gives her honest opinion of my attitude and actions. I can always trust her to let me know what I need to work on. The downfault is when i DO try to change my ways, the people around me only think of my past deeds. I get so frustrated, not only at them, but me too. I think, “Maybe if I hadn’t been doing wrong for so long, then it would be easier.” And sometimes I just feel like screaming at my friends, “How can I change if you won’t let me!”

I wonder how Paul felt right after he became a Christian. I mean, he slaughtered God’s people, but then saw the light(pun,haha) and started preaching everywhere he went. Then, some days later, the Jews(who are supposed to be very Godly people) planned to kill him. He made this complete 180 into the right direction, but then God’s chosen wanted to bring him down…to the grave! Iwish I could talk to Paul and find out how he got through it. I know he had Barnabas take him under his wing and speak up for him until he was finally accepted by the apostles. Where’s my Barnabas?

To Whom It May Concern(you know who you are):

I pray you understand

“I’m sorry for the person I became

I’m sorry that it took so long for me to change

I’m ready to be sure I never become that way again

‘Cause who I am hates who I’ve been

Who I am hates who I’ve been”

Light Vs. Dark

When I was little, I adored watching “The Wizard of Oz”. I imagined myself as Dorothy and meeting all kinds of characters while making my way down the yellow brick road. My parents tell me that when I’d get in trouble, I would mumble under my breath,”Scarecrow, Tin-Man, Lion, Dorothy, come see Audrey now!” Whatever was going on, I must have felt that by calling these beloved names I would be saved from my predicament. Though I watched this movie multiple times, there was always one character that brought fear: the Wicked Witch of the West. I must say that I still cringe at the scene when Auntie Em fades out of the crystal ball and quickly fades into the green face of the Witch.

Most things today don’t scare me. In fact, I normally choose horror movies to watch up in my friend’s loft with no light but the one that comes from the TV. However, there is one person that scares me, even at my age of 20, and that is Marilyn Manson. I bring this up because of my dream a few nights ago. I consistently have crazy, weird, and even sometimes scary dreams, but I can’t remember the last time I had a nightmare. This dream was just that: a full on nightmare.

Where I was had no light, but a little from the moon and what was reflecting on the water. It took place at a kind of indoor pool. People were pacing around, humming, and had dead pan looks on their faces. In the midst of all this darkness, I realized that it was some sort of cult. I knew that I didn’t belong and that they would figure it out if I didn’t leave. Just as I began to look for a way out, the people began to be lower with the humming and in tongues of unison. I suddenly felt the need to hide because an evil presence was coming. I scrambled around in the darkness, but all I could find was a raft in the pool with a blanket on it. I quickly climbed on and draped the blanket over me.

That’s when in came Marilyn Manson, the leader of the cult. In this nightmare, he was truly Satan. As he walked around, speaking to the people, I was panicking inside. He knew I was there. He knew where I was hiding. There was nothing I could do, but imagine the torture that he’d put me through when he came to get me. I was screaming inside and finally woke up crying.

The fear began to melt as I realized that it was only a dream. It led me to think about the reality of evil and Satan. Most of the time, I see the devil as a little red guy with horns, a tail, and a trident in hand. He seems like this cartoon character that we imagine, but never really recognize. The truth is Satan is powerful and freakin’ scary. His evil can’t be matched by anything I see in the movies. He knows what we’re thinking. He can haunt us with trials and guilt, but only if we let him.

Don’t forget! There is an escape and refuge in our God. Just cry out Hosanna (meaning “save now”) and He will be there. Shout His name and He will appear. Even though Satan’s darkness is real, so is God’s light and it will always win. Pretty sweet, right?

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” John 1:5 (NLT)

House of Heroes!!!!!

Riede got to come to school with me Tuesday and afterward, we got to see House of Heroes at a church 3 min. from my school! I’m so thankful for bands that stay true to what they were meant to do, share God’s love through music! Philmont opened for them and were pretty awesome too! My skull bag now has 4 band’s autographs!

Target/Ambassadors

This is a devo I came up with(with God speaking over my shoulder,of course!) and gave Sunday.

The other day I went into Target, looking for something specific. I went up to an employee and asked her where I could find it. She said she had no idea where. It turns out that she didn’t work there.  I had assumed she did because she was wearing a red shirt and khaki pants, which is the Target worker’s uniform.

2 Corinthians 5:20(NIV), “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.”

2 Corinthians 5:20(Message), “We’re Christ’s representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them. We’re speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he’s already a friend with you.”

What does it mean to you to be an ambassador/representative for Christ?

Do you think people see the name “Christ” on our uniform and assume we have all the answers?

A lot of the time I go into Wal-Mart, and I’m sure most of you can relate, needing one specific thing, but end up leaving the store with more in my cart and less in my wallet.

When I can’t find that specific thing, I end up buying junk that I don’t need and wasting time and money.

How does that compare to a non-believer when they can’t find the vital thing they’re searching for? What do they turn to?

As Christians, we are supposed to be ready to answer the lost and hurting people, but what if we don’t have all the right answers?

Proverbs 3:5(NIV), “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”

A favorite band of mine has a verse that says,

“What a beautiful letdown, painfully uncool, the church of the drop outs, the losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools.”

It just emphasizes that we are so undeserving of that love that God has given us, but he still gives it to the lowest of all. We are still learning and will never have all the answers, however, we can point them to the Most High, the one that does have all the answers.

I’d like to end with this challenging verse, Colossians 3:17(NLT),”And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.”

Pressing On

I am walking down a skinny trail

There’s no room to fail

And if I fall, some will go down with me

Because of the example I’ve chosen to be

I’ve got that momentum

The Spirit’s got me pressing on

No turning back now

My mind’s made up

And I’ve had enough

Of my own lifting up

I only screw up and let myself down

But You always stick around

It’s the sweetest feeling when the tears roll down

And my knees hit the ground

My eyes turn up

And I learn to shut up

You said loud and clear

That I have nothing to fear